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Dwyane Wade Confirms He Knocked Up A Woman Who Isn’t Gabrielle Union

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Miami Heat basketball player Dwyane Wade confirmed Monday during a press conference (via USWeekly) that his fuckparts touched the fuckparts of a woman who is NOT fiancée Gabrielle Union during a break in their relationship and result was a third baby for Dwyane. He has two other children with ex-wife Siohvaughn Funches (thanks for the myriad of suggestions for that one, autocorrect) and despite the sordid circumstances surrounding the new addition, Dwyane called it a blessing.

I had a time, a part in our break, in our pain and our hurt, a blessing came out of it in my life, having a son that was born healthy,” Wade said during a press conference Monday evening, as reported by the Sun Sentinel. “So I’m moving on.

I was dealing with my injuries, trying to win a championship, so we kinda took a step back,” the NBA superstar told Jay Leno back in September during an appearance on The Tonight Show.

On Monday evening, Wade added, “But, like I said, this is something, obviously, private for my family that we will continue to deal with as a family. But we have a blessing to the bloodline, to the Wade bloodline.

All I can hear in my head is Ross Gellar yelling, “WE WERE ON A BREAK!” It looks like that dick wasn’t on a break, though. I know when I’m injured (recovering from forgetting the baby gate is up and trying to bust through it like the Kool-Aid man) and trying to win a championship (attempting to beat my seven year old at Mario Kart), my first priority is to find someone to hump on. Getting your fuck on cures all that ails until it comes back to bite you in the ass in the form of child support payments and a fiancée who is going to slap a LoJack on your junk so you can’t park it in anybody else’s garage.

Entertainment Tonight, which first reported the story, says Dwyane has known the woman for years and that Gabrielle was aware of the pregnancy. A surprise baby and that ring was only 8.5 carats? There seems to be some room for improvement with the gold digging here.

(Pic: Splash)


Dwyane Wade And Gabrielle Union Might NOT Have Been On A Break

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Reason #875823 to not be an Instagram attention whore: That shit can backfire hardcore when nosy media types are trying to piece together exactly when you and your dick-passing manho were on a break long enough for him to knock someone up and have you be okay with it.

TMZ did some digging into Gabrielle Union’s Instagram account trying to find evidence of the break Gabby and Dwyane Wade were supposedly taking when he humped a baby into another woman, but found a shit ton of nothing. If you do the math based on baby Xavier’s delivery date of November 10th and ASSume he was born close to his due date, there are a lot of damn pictures of Gabrielle and Dwyane around the supposed time of conception looking mighty fucking happy.

Unless they were broken up for three whole days or Gabby doesn’t mind her man fucking other women, all signs point to someone being a cheating liar who lies and cheats, especially if you take into account all the depressing quote pics Gabrielle uploaded starting at the beginning of April. “We cannot start over but we can begin now and make a new ending” sounds a LOT like “I’m trying to forget that time some bitch Snapchatted me a pic of a pee stick with a plus sign on it, asshole“.

If Dwyane needs some tips on how to co-parent with baby mama Aja Metoyer, he can get in touch with Damon Wayans Jr., with whom she has two kids. It’s too bad Damon didn’t jump out of a closet in full Homey D. Clown gear and smack Dwyane in the dick with a sock full of pennies before he could stick in it. It could have saved Gabrielle a lot of heartache and Dwyane at least four carats.

(Pic: Instagram)

Gabrielle Union Is Forgiving

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Listen, I’m a married dude. I understand wedding planning madness. That train stops for no one or no thing. Once that shit is planned, booked, paid, and screaming matched over, it’s ON. If I found out on my wedding day that the other Mr. Harvey had raw-dogged a baby into a bitch during some sort of last stab at heterosexuality, I would just roll my eyes and stick that ho and her kid at a table near the kitchen. And you can be assured she wouldn’t be going home with a centerpiece.

Gabrielle Union married Dwyane Wade yesterday at Miami’s Chateau Artisan, apparently having gotten over the fact that he knocked up some other chick while they were “on a break.” HAH! Look, if I didn’t fire my now-husband from his own wedding for forcing Barenaked Ladies onto our cocktail reception playlist, she can forgive her betrothed a child with someone else. Some of these vendors don’t issue refunds!

Union, 41, married the Miami Heat shooting guard, 32, “in front of an intimate crowd of family and friends,” sez People. John Legend performed at their reception. Oh, and they made all their guests wear “formal white.” Ugh, can you imagine? How are you going to get drunk and eat? And get more drunk?  Those can be messy ventures for a lot of people. Was that the point? Puritan fucks.

And all this white was sort of a laugh seeing as Union was sued in 2010 by Wade’s amazing and resourceful ex Siohvaughan Funches for allegedly having dirty times in front of their children.

The only way this mess could have been any better is if Siovaughan jumped out of the cake with Wade’s latest kid in one hand and a sonogram print-out showing she was knocked up with his next kid in the other.

Check out pics of Gabrielle and Dwyane (that spelling is worsening my hangover this morning) leaving their rehearsal dinner at Miami’s Prime 112 restaurant on Friday night below.

Pics: Splash

Gabrielle Union Is Sending The FBI After The Hacker Who Leaked Her Nude Pics Yesterday

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So the sequel to The Fappening happened yesterday (The Fappening 2: Electric Lube-aloo), and included on the list of celebrities who’s titty pics were leaked was Isis from Bring It On, aka Gabrielle Union. And just like you can sort of tell in this picture above, Gabrielle wasn’t here for that shit. Instead of pulling a Shaggy like Ariana Grande and Victoria Justice did and claiming “IT WASN’T ME” in the stolen nipple pics, TMZ says that Gabrielle has told her legal team to call up the FBI. Gabrielle also decided to publicly address the situation by releasing a joint statement with her husband Dwayne Wade, in which they slap at the pic-hacking asshole responsible and offer support to everyone else who found pics of their parts online yesterday:

“It has come to our attention that our private moments, that were shared and deleted solely between my husband and myself, have been leaked by some vultures. I can’t help but to be reminded that since the dawn of time women and children, specifically women of color, have been victimized, and the power over their own bodies taken from them. These atrocities against women and children continue worldwide. For anyone out there also being affected by these and other hacking and hate crimes – We send our love, support and prayers. We have done nothing wrong.”

Meanwhile, Kim Kardashian is putting together a gift basket filled with Hooker’s Choice Diskount Spray Tanner and Executive TRAMP-brand too-tight stripper skirts as a way to say thanks for cutting out the middle man (Pimp Mama Kris) and saving her some time.

It sounds like already there are already people who need Gabrielle and Dwayne’s love and support; TMZ says that early this morning, hacked pictures of Rihanna made their way onto the internet. How DARE that hacker! THE AUDACITY! There are plenty of pictures of Princess Ooh-Na-Na’s nipples on the internet; they didn’t have to start stealing from her personal stash! That’s dark-sided! Rihanna is kind enough to share pictures of her intergalactic fuck parts, but you have to ask first! “Please Princess RiRi, may I see your beautiful Barbadian booby balls?” Only RiRi should get to decide who sees her outer space nipple pellets!

Pic: Instagram

American Treasure Betty White Won A People’s Choice Award And Was Escorted To The Stage By Captain America

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I’m sure my 94-year-old neighbor Mrs. Lee saw this tender moment between Betty White and Chris Evans at the 2015 People’s Choice Awards and was like “Oh, that Spider Man – such a gentleman” (because everyone is Spider Man to grandma types).

Because I stopped giving my brain exercise a long time ago, I watched the People’s Choice Awards last night. Or at least as much as my brain could handle, till it began screaming “ENOUGH!!!” and made me change the channel to something more mentally stimulating, like Pick A Puppy. But what I did see was 93-year-old life legend and sassy lil’ slice of lemon meringue pie Betty White accepting the award for Favorite TV Icon (how kind of Bruce Jenner to decline the award and give it to the next in line). Of course, an icon like Betty should never walk anywhere without a hot entourage, so hot hottie Chris Evans popped out of his seat and escorted her to the stage. Not shown: what I assume was at least 50 other dudes behind him fighting over the privilege of offering their arm to one of the Golden Girls.

But it wasn’t all about Betty. How rude, I know. Other people took home awards too, including 2014’s version of Jenna Elfman Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting for Favorite Comedic TV Actress, The Big Bang Theory for Favorite TV Show and Favorite Network TV Comedy, Melissa & Joey for Favorite Cable TV Comedy (wait, WHAT?), Tay Tay Swift and her BFF Ed Sheeran as Favorite Female and Male Artist, and Maleficent for Favorite Movie. Unfortunately, Angelina Jolie couldn’t be there in person to accept her award, because she was too busy working miracles for the Pope in Italy. You can see the whole list of winners is here, if you need that in your life.

Sadly, Betty didn’t walk the red carpet before or after the show (probably because a true icon gives the poor 2s and 3s of the world a moment in the spotlight every once in a while), but everyone else did, so here’s all the famous types from the People’s Choice awards, including Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting wearing some kind of sheer-paneled classy/slutty jumpsuit culottes thing, Anna Faris looking like a fancy Vegas bride, and Kat Dennings working that A+ goth brothel madame game:

Pics: Wenn.com

Alicia Keys Went SANS FARDS On The BET Awards Red Carpet

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Celebrity arrivals at the 2016 BET Awards in Los Angeles, CA

During a recent Lenny Letter essay titled Time to Uncover, Alicia Keys wrote about how she was taking a break from makeup because she didn’t “want to cover up anymore.” Alicia is clearly very serious about the whole #nomakeup thing, because last night she sashayed onto the red carpet of the BET Awards in a face covered in nothing.

Alicia is one of the very lucky few who can do #nomakeup and still look like a human person. Her skin/eyes/mouth/eyebrows all look like what they’re supposed to. When I do no makeup, I look like something from a remake of Eraserhead by Harmony Korine. My mouth looks like a Biggest Loser before-and after of an awkward pink slug. My eyes like two puffy slits with creepy little see-through lashes. The two patchy hairlike skidmarks above my eyes that can barely be classified as eyebrows (my eyebrows truly bring shame to the Dlisted family). So, good for you for going without makeup, Alicia. And if she really wants to make it a permanent thing, I would volunteer to take any and all makeup she decides to get rid of. I very clearly need it.

Alicia also carried the low-maintenance theme into her ensemble as well.

BET Awards 2016 - Arrivals

That satin jumpsuit/head wrap combo would look like “Please have a seat and we’ll begin your hair cut” on most people. That’s not to say it looks great on Alicia Keys; that outfit is pretty busted. But she’s sort of pulling it off. She looks like a medium who communicates with ghosts through sensual slow jams and gets paid in pink champagne.

Aside from Alicia, there were many many other fancy dressed people at the BET Awards. And of course, just like every other red carpet of the past two years, there was so much goddamn see-through fabric and visible panties. However, one look in particular stood out for me, and that was the dress worn by Tinashe:

BET Awards 2016 - Arrivals

After seeing so many pairs of satin granny panties, it’s really refreshing to see someone embrace their inner ho and pair a crotch-high slit with a classic mid-rise thong. Thank you for your bravery and subtle trampiness, Tinashe.

Here’s more fashion and style from last night. Shout out to Tracee Ellis Ross for working some of that early 00’s plastic “snakeskin” clubwear realness.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Open Post: Hosted By Coco As A Slutty Footlocker Employee

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Don’t worry about that dude behind Coco. Coco’s minions always carry around a fainting couch because everywhere she goes, men, women, children, animals and a few inanimate objects pass out from being exposed to that much elegance, perfection and grace. So as soon as that guy began the fainting process by closing his eyes, I’m sure one of her assistants rolled a couch behind him.

Coco, whose legendary camel toe decided to pull back a little last night, sashayed into Heidi Klum’s Halloween party in NYC with her glorious titty balls trying to use all their strength to HULK SMASH through those strings. Those strings must’ve been made with Teflon, kryptonite and a blessing from God because they are holding on. Chichis looking like two big-headed toddlers trying to headbutt their way out of a playpen.

Most would say that Coco wore a slutty referee costume from Yandy, but I say that Coco wore a slutty Footlocker employee costume from Yandy. Although, Ice -T went as a prison inmate, so there’s a chance that they could’ve coordinated their costumes and Coco actually dressed up as some kind of slutty prison house aerobics instructor. Whatever the case may be, Coco still filled that party up to the top with her beauty.

Here’s more of the tricks who showed up to Heidi Klum’s Halloween party, and yes, 99% of them wore a better costume than Heidi did. Bethenny Frankel, as a Dollar General Catwoman with rabies, is the 1%.

Pics: Splash

Thankfully A Bit More Effort Was Put Into The Fashions After The Oscars

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We all know that when it comes to dressing for the Oscars, everyone takes it very seriously. They put on a tux or fancy gown that definitely didn’t come with a check attached to the garment bag. Most of the time the result is a one-way ticket to Zzzzzz town (see: a good 75% of the looks from last night). But then everyone gets to let loose at Vanity Fair’s annual Oscar afterparty and put on what they really want to wear (see: The Gold Standard). Like many people at the Vanity Fair party, Diane Kruger wasn’t at the Oscars and she showed up wearing that. 

Diane is wearing a dress by Alexandre Vauthier, but it looks more like a homemade version of the ASOS bow dress made from an old sateen runner taken from the head table of her sister’s winter-themed wedding. And it’s perfect – that is the dress you wear when you really want people to think you’re single.

Gabrielle Union arrived wearing a similar sort of arbitrarily-wrapped fabric ensemble by Jean Paul Gaultier. Gabrielle clearly couldn’t decide between a dress and a bikini, and was like “Can you do a half-and-half?

Vanity Fair Oscar Party - Arrivals

Kate Beckinsale’s dress came with two sea urchins. That’s the kind of dress you wear to a party and not an award show. Nobody wants to be crammed into a tiny seat and have to feel itchy tulle scratching into their shoulder for over four hours.

Vanity Fair Oscar Party 2017 Arrivals and Red Carpet

I would have thought that Jared Leto would have boycotted Oscars night after the Academy failed to recognize his commitment to method acting as The Joker in Suicide Squad. But he went to the Vanity Fair party, and he looked like a hipster clown’s coke dealer.

Vanity Fair Oscar Party held at the Wallis Annenberg Center.

He also sort of looks like Scott Disick going through a Canadian phase.

Here’s more from Vanity Fair’s annual Oscar after-party.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com


A Strange Thing Happened At The CFDA Awards In NYC Last Night….

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The strange thing was that everyone wasn’t told to go home as soon as this feathery vision of dusty pink gluh-moore whipped his boa train on the carpet. Why even bother going on with the 2017 CFDA Awards when it was already shut down by an exquisite bejeweled pink ostrich? I’m sure that is a question that fashion professors will ponder with their students for years to come.

The angels probably refer to this human definition of man glamour as “the reincarnation of Liberace,” but he goes by the name Di Mondo and he’s a NYC socialite, Instagram supermodel and a Chilean-American pillar of potent fabulousness who probably makes people cry happy tears of glitter whenever he strolls by them. The gorgeous ghost of Johnny Weir’s future showed up to last night’s CFDA Awards with a date who I really thought was Baryshnikov for about 3 seconds. Di Mondo’s stunning ensemble probably made every single person there look down at their drab and homely outfit and contemplate going home. They should’ve, because if you were at the CFDA Awards last night and weren’t wearing sheer boudoir pants and a bedazzled pink blazer that looked like it was shitting feathers, why did you even bother going?

While Di Mondo brought the shiny happy fabulousness, the Olsens didn’t let me down by bringing the direct opposite. Glum and Glummer were my second favorite best-dressed of the night, because Ashley Olsen looked like the headmistress of a strict all-girls school in a dystopian future and Mary-Kate Olsen looked like the school librarian who covers her favorite books with the skin of the students who dare cross her.

They also looked like they were trying to out-miserable each other last night. Ashley is like, “No, dear sister, I’m obviously having a more miserable time than you are,” and Mary-Kate’s like, “No, dear sister, I am much more miserable.” They both win.

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And I bet that Di Mondo’s breathtaking perfection even made the Olsens crack a smile. Yeah, I doubt. They probably thought he was some beautiful exotic bird and ordered their minions to cut off his tail so that they can turn it into a robe and sell it for $56,000.

Here’s more from last night’s CFDA Awards including Matt Boner in a green tux and Bella Hadid looking like her 30 days as a human has expired and she’s back to being a mannequin.

Pics: Wenn.com

Gabrielle Union Is All For Eating Your Man’s Ass

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This is the classiest post I’ve ever penned. Gabrielle Union was kind enough to reveal to the Sway In The Morning radio show that she and her NBA player husband Dwayne Wade are progressive enough to engage in a little rimming now and then during sex. For those of you who might be confused, that means ass-eating. And in an interesting twist, Gabrielle revealed that she’s often the one doing the dining. Chomp that ass, Gabby!

TMZ reports that host Sway asked Gabrielle the immortal question that should be asked of every celebrity in every interview – from Betty White down:

“So, how old were you when you first ate a butt?”

Gabby insists that a lot of straight dudes like a girl to play in their backyard, but they just won’t admit it. By the way, Gabrielle’s answer to the above question was “listen, it’s all about equality.

This exchange came up during a discussion about sexuality, and how Gabrielle believes that reciprocity should occur more frequently between partners when they’re getting after it. Cheers to the gal on the right in the video below who notes that “we all got the same butts. If a woman can like it, a man can.” Truer words!

Some of the Sway In The Morning team clutched their pearls and acted like they had never heard of such an outlandish concept. This lady on Twitter responded appropriately.

Speaking of Twitter, as you can imagine, Gabrielle’s revelation sparked some commentary.

Sure, no one needs the imagery of Gabrielle Union with her head up her man’s ass. But it’s not like she revealed that they sacrifice goats to Baal when they’re in the bedroom. It’s salad-tossing, not spying for Putin.

Pic: YouTube

Jada Pinkett Smith And Gabrielle Union Have Apparently Been Fighting For 17 Years

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If Ryan Murphy is still looking for material for Feud 2Jada Pinkett Smith and Gabrielle Union would like him to believe they were JUST as catty as Bette Davis and Joan Crawford. Jada is doing some talk show on Facebook with her mom, and Gabrielle has a movie to promote, so what better time than to bring up a long-term feud none of us knew even existed?!

Jada and her mom were on Extra to promote Red Table Talk, the show they’re hosting alongside Jada and Will Smith’s daughter Willow. While Jada said we can expect to see Tiffany Haddish, she also mentions how Gabrielle is going to be on for a girlfriends-themed episode. Everyone was likely thinking “oh, that’s nice” before she dropped an arguably questionable bombshell:

“I have a really touching episode with Gabrielle Union. We haven’t been on the best of terms for 17 years, and we have a reconciliation.“When the producers said we want to do a girlfriends show… her name just kept coming up… it just couldn’t be anything else.”

Damn, y’all! What was this feud over? Jada, were you pissed you didn’t get to be in Bring It On? Gabrielle, are you just pissed you couldn’t marry into that Fresh Prince syndication money? Wait, that might be it. Actually, Jada claims doesn’t seem to know where the beef came from:

“Oh, definitely. We don’t even know how it started!”

That’s good, Jada, because we didn’t even know/care this was a thing!

This reeks of how Oprah back in the day was the one who first raised the notion that there were rumors that Gayle King was always hanging around the show because they were secretly doing laps in the lady pond. Jada must have been taking notes for when SHE had a turn at talk show. Nothing drives the ratings like keeping the audience guessing if you’re going to give them free shit or toss a left hook at Gabrielle mid-interview!

Pic: Wenn.com

Ellen Pompeo Called Out The Lack Of Diversity On Set At A Porter Magazine Shoot

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When Porter Magazine invited Ellen Pompeo, Gabrielle Union, Gina Rodriguez, and Julia Roberts’ niece to participate in a round table discussion about inclusion, diversity, and pay parity, they probably didn’t expect to have their own lily white set called out. They must have forgotten that Ellen is not the one, has never been the one, and will never be the one.

Here’s what Ellen had to say about her experience walking onto the Porter set.

Of course Ellen didn’t say anything that millions of non-white, non-rich, non-famous people haven’t been saying for decades, but coming out of a rich white lady’s mouth made the message notable. But what’s fun about this is the “don’t give a fuck-a-tude” of her delivery. And she can really do that because, see above.

Ellen’s read of Porter got people real excited, proving the rarity of allies who are willing to tell it like it is. Even if they do use “caucasian” instead of white because if we’re using that convention, I’m like what, a negro? A mulatto? No thanks (although I did write-in “negress” on the 2000 census because I found the inclusion of “negro” as an option amusing, yet limiting).

Ellen has used the “world I walk around in everyday” analogy before when she was criticizing the Emmys for being too white a bunch of years ago. In the Porter video, she talks about how she enjoys having these types of conversations and is really comfortable having them. However, she has been criticized for getting snippy and defensive when she was called out for using black emojis.

Because Ellen’s comments made such a stir, the rest of the video isn’t being talked about so all the points Gabrielle, Gina, and Julia Roberts’ niece made have gone un-commented upon. I’m kidding, Eric Roberts’ daughter didn’t really have much to say, she sat there looking like she was praying the teacher wouldn’t call on her. Here’s the entire discussion.

Pic: YouTube

Gabrielle Union Is Sending The FBI After The Hacker Who Leaked Her Nude Pics Yesterday

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So the sequel to The Fappening happened yesterday (The Fappening 2: Electric Lube-aloo), and included on the list of celebrities who’s titty pics were leaked was Isis from Bring It On, aka Gabrielle Union. And just like you can sort of tell in this picture above, Gabrielle wasn’t here for that shit. Instead of pulling a Shaggy like Ariana Grande and Victoria Justice did and claiming “IT WASN’T ME” in the stolen nipple pics, TMZ says that Gabrielle has told her legal team to call up the FBI. Gabrielle also decided to publicly address the situation by releasing a joint statement with her husband Dwayne Wade, in which they slap at the pic-hacking asshole responsible and offer support to everyone else who found pics of their parts online yesterday:

“It has come to our attention that our private moments, that were shared and deleted solely between my husband and myself, have been leaked by some vultures. I can’t help but to be reminded that since the dawn of time women and children, specifically women of color, have been victimized, and the power over their own bodies taken from them. These atrocities against women and children continue worldwide. For anyone out there also being affected by these and other hacking and hate crimes – We send our love, support and prayers. We have done nothing wrong.”

Meanwhile, Kim Kardashian is putting together a gift basket filled with Hooker’s Choice Diskount Spray Tanner and Executive TRAMP-brand too-tight stripper skirts as a way to say thanks for cutting out the middle man (Pimp Mama Kris) and saving her some time.

It sounds like already there are already people who need Gabrielle and Dwayne’s love and support; TMZ says that early this morning, hacked pictures of Rihanna made their way onto the internet. How DARE that hacker! THE AUDACITY! There are plenty of pictures of Princess Ooh-Na-Na’s nipples on the internet; they didn’t have to start stealing from her personal stash! That’s dark-sided! Rihanna is kind enough to share pictures of her intergalactic fuck parts, but you have to ask first! “Please Princess RiRi, may I see your beautiful Barbadian booby balls?” Only RiRi should get to decide who sees her outer space nipple pellets!

Pic: Instagram

American Treasure Betty White Won A People’s Choice Award And Was Escorted To The Stage By Captain America

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I’m sure my 94-year-old neighbor Mrs. Lee saw this tender moment between Betty White and Chris Evans at the 2015 People’s Choice Awards and was like “Oh, that Spider Man – such a gentleman” (because everyone is Spider Man to grandma types).

Because I stopped giving my brain exercise a long time ago, I watched the People’s Choice Awards last night. Or at least as much as my brain could handle, till it began screaming “ENOUGH!!!” and made me change the channel to something more mentally stimulating, like Pick A Puppy. But what I did see was 93-year-old life legend and sassy lil’ slice of lemon meringue pie Betty White accepting the award for Favorite TV Icon (how kind of Bruce Jenner to decline the award and give it to the next in line). Of course, an icon like Betty should never walk anywhere without a hot entourage, so hot hottie Chris Evans popped out of his seat and escorted her to the stage. Not shown: what I assume was at least 50 other dudes behind him fighting over the privilege of offering their arm to one of the Golden Girls.

But it wasn’t all about Betty. How rude, I know. Other people took home awards too, including 2014’s version of Jenna Elfman Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting for Favorite Comedic TV Actress, The Big Bang Theory for Favorite TV Show and Favorite Network TV Comedy, Melissa & Joey for Favorite Cable TV Comedy (wait, WHAT?), Tay Tay Swift and her BFF Ed Sheeran as Favorite Female and Male Artist, and Maleficent for Favorite Movie. Unfortunately, Angelina Jolie couldn’t be there in person to accept her award, because she was too busy working miracles for the Pope in Italy. You can see the whole list of winners is here, if you need that in your life.

Sadly, Betty didn’t walk the red carpet before or after the show (probably because a true icon gives the poor 2s and 3s of the world a moment in the spotlight every once in a while), but everyone else did, so here’s all the famous types from the People’s Choice awards, including Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting wearing some kind of sheer-paneled classy/slutty jumpsuit culottes thing, Anna Faris looking like a fancy Vegas bride, and Kat Dennings working that A+ goth brothel madame game:

Pics: Wenn.com

Alicia Keys Went SANS FARDS On The BET Awards Red Carpet

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Celebrity arrivals at the 2016 BET Awards in Los Angeles, CA

During a recent Lenny Letter essay titled Time to Uncover, Alicia Keys wrote about how she was taking a break from makeup because she didn’t “want to cover up anymore.” Alicia is clearly very serious about the whole #nomakeup thing, because last night she sashayed onto the red carpet of the BET Awards in a face covered in nothing.

Alicia is one of the very lucky few who can do #nomakeup and still look like a human person. Her skin/eyes/mouth/eyebrows all look like what they’re supposed to. When I do no makeup, I look like something from a remake of Eraserhead by Harmony Korine. My mouth looks like a Biggest Loser before-and after of an awkward pink slug. My eyes like two puffy slits with creepy little see-through lashes. The two patchy hairlike skidmarks above my eyes that can barely be classified as eyebrows (my eyebrows truly bring shame to the Dlisted family). So, good for you for going without makeup, Alicia. And if she really wants to make it a permanent thing, I would volunteer to take any and all makeup she decides to get rid of. I very clearly need it.

Alicia also carried the low-maintenance theme into her ensemble as well.

BET Awards 2016 - Arrivals

That satin jumpsuit/head wrap combo would look like “Please have a seat and we’ll begin your hair cut” on most people. That’s not to say it looks great on Alicia Keys; that outfit is pretty busted. But she’s sort of pulling it off. She looks like a medium who communicates with ghosts through sensual slow jams and gets paid in pink champagne.

Aside from Alicia, there were many many other fancy dressed people at the BET Awards. And of course, just like every other red carpet of the past two years, there was so much goddamn see-through fabric and visible panties. However, one look in particular stood out for me, and that was the dress worn by Tinashe:

BET Awards 2016 - Arrivals

After seeing so many pairs of satin granny panties, it’s really refreshing to see someone embrace their inner ho and pair a crotch-high slit with a classic mid-rise thong. Thank you for your bravery and subtle trampiness, Tinashe.

Here’s more fashion and style from last night. Shout out to Tracee Ellis Ross for working some of that early 00’s plastic “snakeskin” clubwear realness.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com


Open Post: Hosted By Coco As A Slutty Footlocker Employee

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Don’t worry about that dude behind Coco. Coco’s minions always carry around a fainting couch because everywhere she goes, men, women, children, animals and a few inanimate objects pass out from being exposed to that much elegance, perfection and grace. So as soon as that guy began the fainting process by closing his eyes, I’m sure one of her assistants rolled a couch behind him.

Coco, whose legendary camel toe decided to pull back a little last night, sashayed into Heidi Klum’s Halloween party in NYC with her glorious titty balls trying to use all their strength to HULK SMASH through those strings. Those strings must’ve been made with Teflon, kryptonite and a blessing from God because they are holding on. Chichis looking like two big-headed toddlers trying to headbutt their way out of a playpen.

Most would say that Coco wore a slutty referee costume from Yandy, but I say that Coco wore a slutty Footlocker employee costume from Yandy. Although, Ice -T went as a prison inmate, so there’s a chance that they could’ve coordinated their costumes and Coco actually dressed up as some kind of slutty prison house aerobics instructor. Whatever the case may be, Coco still filled that party up to the top with her beauty.

Here’s more of the tricks who showed up to Heidi Klum’s Halloween party, and yes, 99% of them wore a better costume than Heidi did. Bethenny Frankel, as a Dollar General Catwoman with rabies, is the 1%.

Pics: Splash

Thankfully A Bit More Effort Was Put Into The Fashions After The Oscars

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2017 Vanity Fair Oscar Party Hosted By Graydon Carter - Arrivals

We all know that when it comes to dressing for the Oscars, everyone takes it very seriously. They put on a tux or fancy gown that definitely didn’t come with a check attached to the garment bag. Most of the time the result is a one-way ticket to Zzzzzz town (see: a good 75% of the looks from last night). But then everyone gets to let loose at Vanity Fair’s annual Oscar afterparty and put on what they really want to wear (see: The Gold Standard). Like many people at the Vanity Fair party, Diane Kruger wasn’t at the Oscars and she showed up wearing that. 

Diane is wearing a dress by Alexandre Vauthier, but it looks more like a homemade version of the ASOS bow dress made from an old sateen runner taken from the head table of her sister’s winter-themed wedding. And it’s perfect – that is the dress you wear when you really want people to think you’re single.

Gabrielle Union arrived wearing a similar sort of arbitrarily-wrapped fabric ensemble by Jean Paul Gaultier. Gabrielle clearly couldn’t decide between a dress and a bikini, and was like “Can you do a half-and-half?

Vanity Fair Oscar Party - Arrivals

Kate Beckinsale’s dress came with two sea urchins. That’s the kind of dress you wear to a party and not an award show. Nobody wants to be crammed into a tiny seat and have to feel itchy tulle scratching into their shoulder for over four hours.

Vanity Fair Oscar Party 2017 Arrivals and Red Carpet

I would have thought that Jared Leto would have boycotted Oscars night after the Academy failed to recognize his commitment to method acting as The Joker in Suicide Squad. But he went to the Vanity Fair party, and he looked like a hipster clown’s coke dealer.

Vanity Fair Oscar Party held at the Wallis Annenberg Center.

He also sort of looks like Scott Disick going through a Canadian phase.

Here’s more from Vanity Fair’s annual Oscar after-party.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

A Strange Thing Happened At The CFDA Awards In NYC Last Night….

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The strange thing was that everyone wasn’t told to go home as soon as this feathery vision of dusty pink gluh-moore whipped his boa train on the carpet. Why even bother going on with the 2017 CFDA Awards when it was already shut down by an exquisite bejeweled pink ostrich? I’m sure that is a question that fashion professors will ponder with their students for years to come.

The angels probably refer to this human definition of man glamour as “the reincarnation of Liberace,” but he goes by the name Di Mondo and he’s a NYC socialite, Instagram supermodel and a Chilean-American pillar of potent fabulousness who probably makes people cry happy tears of glitter whenever he strolls by them. The gorgeous ghost of Johnny Weir’s future showed up to last night’s CFDA Awards with a date who I really thought was Baryshnikov for about 3 seconds. Di Mondo’s stunning ensemble probably made every single person there look down at their drab and homely outfit and contemplate going home. They should’ve, because if you were at the CFDA Awards last night and weren’t wearing sheer boudoir pants and a bedazzled pink blazer that looked like it was shitting feathers, why did you even bother going?

While Di Mondo brought the shiny happy fabulousness, the Olsens didn’t let me down by bringing the direct opposite. Glum and Glummer were my second favorite best-dressed of the night, because Ashley Olsen looked like the headmistress of a strict all-girls school in a dystopian future and Mary-Kate Olsen looked like the school librarian who covers her favorite books with the skin of the students who dare cross her.

They also looked like they were trying to out-miserable each other last night. Ashley is like, “No, dear sister, I’m obviously having a more miserable time than you are,” and Mary-Kate’s like, “No, dear sister, I am much more miserable.” They both win.

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And I bet that Di Mondo’s breathtaking perfection even made the Olsens crack a smile. Yeah, I doubt. They probably thought he was some beautiful exotic bird and ordered their minions to cut off his tail so that they can turn it into a robe and sell it for $56,000.

Here’s more from last night’s CFDA Awards including Matt Boner in a green tux and Bella Hadid looking like her 30 days as a human has expired and she’s back to being a mannequin.

Pics: Wenn.com

Gabrielle Union Is All For Eating Your Man’s Ass

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This is the classiest post I’ve ever penned. Gabrielle Union was kind enough to reveal to the Sway In The Morning radio show that she and her NBA player husband Dwayne Wade are progressive enough to engage in a little rimming now and then during sex. For those of you who might be confused, that means ass-eating. And in an interesting twist, Gabrielle revealed that she’s often the one doing the dining. Chomp that ass, Gabby!

TMZ reports that host Sway asked Gabrielle the immortal question that should be asked of every celebrity in every interview – from Betty White down:

“So, how old were you when you first ate a butt?”

Gabby insists that a lot of straight dudes like a girl to play in their backyard, but they just won’t admit it. By the way, Gabrielle’s answer to the above question was “listen, it’s all about equality.

This exchange came up during a discussion about sexuality, and how Gabrielle believes that reciprocity should occur more frequently between partners when they’re getting after it. Cheers to the gal on the right in the video below who notes that “we all got the same butts. If a woman can like it, a man can.” Truer words!

Some of the Sway In The Morning team clutched their pearls and acted like they had never heard of such an outlandish concept. This lady on Twitter responded appropriately.

Speaking of Twitter, as you can imagine, Gabrielle’s revelation sparked some commentary.

Sure, no one needs the imagery of Gabrielle Union with her head up her man’s ass. But it’s not like she revealed that they sacrifice goats to Baal when they’re in the bedroom. It’s salad-tossing, not spying for Putin.

Pic: YouTube

Jada Pinkett Smith And Gabrielle Union Have Apparently Been Fighting For 17 Years

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If Ryan Murphy is still looking for material for Feud 2Jada Pinkett Smith and Gabrielle Union would like him to believe they were JUST as catty as Bette Davis and Joan Crawford. Jada is doing some talk show on Facebook with her mom, and Gabrielle has a movie to promote, so what better time than to bring up a long-term feud none of us knew even existed?!

Jada and her mom were on Extra to promote Red Table Talk, the show they’re hosting alongside Jada and Will Smith’s daughter Willow. While Jada said we can expect to see Tiffany Haddish, she also mentions how Gabrielle is going to be on for a girlfriends-themed episode. Everyone was likely thinking “oh, that’s nice” before she dropped an arguably questionable bombshell:

“I have a really touching episode with Gabrielle Union. We haven’t been on the best of terms for 17 years, and we have a reconciliation.“When the producers said we want to do a girlfriends show… her name just kept coming up… it just couldn’t be anything else.”

Damn, y’all! What was this feud over? Jada, were you pissed you didn’t get to be in Bring It On? Gabrielle, are you just pissed you couldn’t marry into that Fresh Prince syndication money? Wait, that might be it. Actually, Jada claims doesn’t seem to know where the beef came from:

“Oh, definitely. We don’t even know how it started!”

That’s good, Jada, because we didn’t even know/care this was a thing!

This reeks of how Oprah back in the day was the one who first raised the notion that there were rumors that Gayle King was always hanging around the show because they were secretly doing laps in the lady pond. Jada must have been taking notes for when SHE had a turn at talk show. Nothing drives the ratings like keeping the audience guessing if you’re going to give them free shit or toss a left hook at Gabrielle mid-interview!

Pic: Wenn.com

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